FML
by KubasMoras
Summary: The only thing Kaito wanted is for the ones whom he loves to be happy. So why did HE have to appear and royally screw EVERYTHING UP? Kaito doesn't know what to do anymore. KaitoxLen, AU


Kso, trying to start a multi-chaptered story, I'm playing with fire here -_-;;

The main pairing IS KaitoxLen, but I want to _try_ to make the plot develop slowly and not just make them meet and fall in love at first sigh and start forming babbies right away, so that's pretty much why there might be some other pairings before Ice Banana c:

Also, this shit = un-beta'd, and English = not my native language, so think before biting my head off if you find some errors :l

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><p>I make myself cosy sitting in my favourite couch while sipping my favourite tea and stare at my TV, until I hear a doorbell. I roll my eyes, stand up and drag my feet on the floor like the lazy cluster of cells I am and I almost make it to the door, when they suddenly burst open and I suddenly lose my sense of gravitation and collapse on my back with another body collapsing on my own.<p>

"Kaitokaitokaito, oh my God, I've finally got a boyfriend!"

I don't even need to hear the voice, or open my eyes to know who that was, though her annoying voice and a rather eccentric look are her trademark features - my best friend for about as long as I can remember, Miku. She's the only one who, whenever she visits me, greets me in the ways most dangerous for the sake of my spine's well-being, be it by tackling me, glomping me, jumping into my arms, or… well, jumping onto me.

I've known her and been close with her practically my whole life, so I know practically every little thing about her, and how lonely she can get at times despite all the attention she gets from the shitload of her fans. She just needs someone to… love her. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do love her, very much so, but not in the way she yearns to be loved and looked at.

"Coolbeans, can you move now?" I manage to muffle out with her crushing my lungs like this, but that doesn't kill her enthusiasm.

"Can you believe it? Me, a boyfriend? And a fucking sweet, and funny, and hot one at that! You so totally have to see him!" she squeals, sitting me up and hugging the daylights out of me as if I were some kind of a plushie.

"In fact," she quickly pulls away to look me in the face before I can even return the hug, "I am going to show him to you right about now." She immediately lets go off me and dramatically stands up, making me hit the floor with the back of my head and groan in pain.

"Dude, how do I manage to survive with you?" I mumble after I'm done scratching my head in pain and trying to stand up, but she either doesn't hear it or simply chooses to ignore it.

I direct my look at her, and I see her frantically digging around the pockets of her jacket she had thrown on the sofa like it's going to prevent the Doomsday from happening.

"Oh, God, yes," she whispers to herself.

"Kaitokaitokaito, your ass," she turns around on her heels, pointing at me. I blink. "My ass?"

"Your ass, get it to the nearest DVD player," she points towards the DVD player and throws a DVD towards me, and I manage to catch it despite being an utter klutz.

"Coolbeans," I mumble after I get my ass to the nearest DVD player and push the DVD in, after eyeing it curiously. I swear to God she then teleports herself next to me, grabs my hand and pulls me to sit on the couch next to her.

"'Kay then, you better get a boner or else I'll get mad," she grins, grabbing a remote and tossing it away like rubbish after pressing "play". I can't help but facepalm.

The video starts with a person adjusting the webcam, and kinda failing at it, making me chuckle stupidly, which made me receive a warning-punch in my shoulder by Miku, who was obviously not amused.

When they finally adjusts it and sit back, I see a boy, either as old as Miku or perhaps a year or two younger, with a very light brown hair, almost blond, messily tied up into some kind of a tiny ponytail (even though half of his hair is actually sticking out in random directions), big and expressive eyes (I can't determine their colour because of the low-quality of the web-cam, but my guess is either green or blue), a pug nose and full lips stretched out into a (seemingly) forced, nervous smile.

I smirk to myself when I realise how he is a perfect example of the kind of boys I used to chase after in my "earlier" days.

_"So, um, hi… Kaito, is it? The name's Len Kagamine. Miku couldn't keep quiet about you and insisted that I record myself and sing something so she could brag around, heheh..." _he starts awkwardly.

"You had him record this just so you could show me? Awh, how sweet of you," I pat her head.

"Well, I originally intended to use it so I have something to fap to, but I figured I could as well show it to you since I told him that this is purely so I could show you." I immediately pull my hand away.

"Dude, too much information," I make a grimace of utter disgust.

"Oh, is it now?" her voice drops a few octaves too low, making me twitch. "And you think I like listening you talk about Mikuo?"

"Point taken…"

"Shush!" she presses a finger on my lips, gluing her eyes to the screen. At least her voice got back to normal. "And be amazed…"

For the next few seconds, he's just adjusting the guitar that he had got a hold of while we had been commenting, and just as I part my lips about to say something, he starts singing what I recognise as one of Miku's more popular songs.

His voice is… unique, to say the least.

It sounds girly and kinda feminime whenever he hits the high notes (and it doesn't exactly help that the song itself is pretty girly), but still with a certain amount of manliness which makes it differ from a female voice.

However, when he hits the low notes, he sounds like his balls suddenly randomly drop.

At some point in the song that I certainly hadn't seen coming, he fucking _screams_. And what a magnificent scream that is, especially coming from someone so… tiny. My grasp of English language cannot possibly describe it, so I'm not even going to try.

"Holy shit, dude," I can't hide my amazement any longer soon after the boy – Len – finishes with his singing and turns off the web-cam as awkwardly as he had turned it on, and neither does Miku hide her proud grin.

"Is he famous?" She is probably the only person whom I could ever ask something stupid like that without feeling stupid. I always get the "wtf dude" face from the others, while she doesn't mind my fail at keeping up with What's Hawt and What's Nawt in the world of celebrities these days.

"Well, no…" she starts, taking out the DVD. "Singing's just his hobby, kinda, and I think he's doin' great so far, and he just might be famous soon. He definitely deserves to be acknowledged!"

"He's doing amazing," I agree, "but can't he just… you know, post the video on YouTube, or the Internet, at least? We are in the 21st century, after all… And it'd help him a lot."

"He's real paranoid with Internet and stuff, my guess is because of a bad experience that he, apparently, doesn't want to discuss with anyone, or at least me… So he really rarely, if ever, uses Internet for things like that."

"Oh," I honestly don't know what else to say.

"Soooo?" she throws herself on the couch again.

"So what?"

"Isn't he just so undeniably sexy?"

I laugh, "Sorry, dude, he's not exactly my type."

"What? Not your type?" Her eyes look like they're about to pop out. "I thought you liked skinny blondies with a nice ass and a smile that makes you jiggle like jelly?"

"Yes, I used to," I sigh, irritated, "but now I have Mikuo, alright?" Now it's her turn to sigh.

"How exactly does that stop you from checking others out?"

"I don't feel the need to check others out, Miku."

"My Gosh, Kaito. Sometimes I wonder what is it that went wrong with you."

"Don't start this again…" I warn her, "I love him, and I'm pretty sure he loves me, so let us be."

"But you've become soo boring ever since he's infected you with his obsessive-compulsive boringness," she places her elbows on her knees and drops her head on her hands, pouting.

"Hey, that's my boyfriend you're talking about here," I try to turn this conversation into a joke. I just dislike it when we discuss my relationship with Mikuo. She claims I'm too good for him, I claim that's pure bullshit. Either she knows something bad about him that nobody else does, or either she simply hates him just for the hell of it.

"And also my brother, which means I can say whatever the hell about him and get away with it!" Or it's just that they're _siblings_, 'nuff said.

"Okay… you win, I guess," I raise my hands in defeat, not wanting to argue about it any further. "But, dude, I need some lovin', too, you know?"

"Yeah, but with someone who's not an annoying prick!" she straightens up and I give her a shifty eye. Oh, Miku, so oblivious to love… If only we could all choose whom to love and be happy forever. "Like, what was his name…" she starts snapping her fingers and squeezes her eyes determinedly, waking me up from my thoughts. "Liam?"

"I don't recall dating a Liam," I snort, crossing my hands. "You must mean Leon."

My heart aches at the thought of him.

"Yeah, yeah, that guy!" she claps, completely oblivious to my uneasiness, "Blond, nice ass, nice smile, plus a jolly wicked English accent…" She pauses to sigh dreamily, and then she pats my knees, "Why the fuck did you break up, again?"

"Technically, we didn't," I smile and tighten my grip on my sleeves, "he died."

Her playful grin immediately drops.

"Shit, oh God, Kaito, I'm so, so sorry, I totally forgot," she whispers. I wonder how could she possibly forget the time when I used to spent half my days in the hospital, acting like Leon doesn't have a deadly disease and trying to make our last moments the best I can, and another half in our apartment breaking down and crying out all the pain and pressure I felt from having to look at him being so weak, helpless, sad, and pretending that I don't see what is really happening while she did everything in her power to console me. All of the tours and concerts she has been having lately must've royally screwed with her head.

Plus, Leon and I's final goodbyes happened a long time ago anyway, so I don't really blame her at all.

"It's alright, you didn't mean to."

"No, but… Gah, I feel so horrible right now, I'm sosososososo sorry, I wish I could just shut up at times," she continues her ramble, hugging me tightly and nuzzling against my shoulder.

Sometimes, I wish that too. But, then again, if she did shut up, she wouldn't be Miku anymore. Saying wrong things at the wrong time, that's her pace.

"It's alright," I repeat.

"You hate me right now, don't you?"

"Jesus, dude, calm down! I said it's alright, stop worrying!"

After that, there's a loooong awkward silence consisting of her watching TV and me staring at my cup of tea that has probably got cold by now, until I stand up to go and make us some coffee, then we drink it and chatter about some _super important_ things (like how Len has a twin sister, how Len drives a motorcycle, how Len makes the best Banana Colada ever, how Len has been to every continent except Africa, how Len plays God knows what instruments… you get the drift).

You know, I kinda miss all of this. Just chilling with her and listening to her talk about the same random stuff she considers relevant over and over again, thinking I'm so completely interested and eager to hear even more details.

I remember how I used to find that unbearably annoying when it happened on a regular basis to the point I wanted to snap at her and lock her in a refrigerator, but I guess you learn to appreciate even the simplest of things once all of it's gone.

Well, anyhow… Her one-sided conversation about how perfect Len is drags on, until her manager calls her and she has to leave.

But, of course, she refuses to, and continues on blabbering, so I have to push her outside and slam the door into her face.

"Kaitokaitokaito, shit, I almost forgot!" she shouts, as if the door is made of a 5 meters thick metal and I couldn't hear her if she talked like a normal person, and I open it.

"What is it."

"You know how my fandom always assumes that you and I are secretly together?"

"Um, yeah?" My voice unintentionally breaks. Goddammit, do I know. You can't even _begin_ to imagine what kind of nightmares had I gone through by her fans thinking we're actually a couple.

"Len and I are planning on correcting the confusion and announcing our luv to the world soon by recording a duet song, you think you could help us with the photo-shoot for the single?"

Her question makes me smile.

If there's something I take a special liking to when it comes to photography, it's photographing couples. Well, at least the happy ones, where you can see how hard they have fallen for one another just by looking at their gestures, expressions, just by looking at the way they position themselves. That's just so darn sweet.

"Sure, just tell me when you need me, alright?"

"Sure thing!" she giggles, "Okay, now I seriously have to go," now she's the one to slam the door with no further words.

After I adapt to her not being present anymore, I hear a banging coming from the ceiling. My head shakes and a sigh escapes me almost on its own – it's probably that old, grumpy witch, who finds even _farts_ too loud for her liking, getting a hold of her Broom of Doom again. But when all of those spoilt brats of her nephews or whatever have a party up there, I'm the one who's a "rude son of a bitch who likes to take the piss with old, helpless people" whenever I politely knock on the door and request them to be a tad bit quieter.

I successfully fight the temptation to bang the ceiling with something on my own and see how _she_ likes it.

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><p>My life is pretty boring, to be honest, but I don't mind it at all.<p>

I don't really do much when I'm not working. I usually plant myself into something comfortable and either surf around the web for various art and photography sites on my crappy Toshiba Satellite, or watch the news channel while stuffing myself with ice-cream at summer or drinking tea, cocoa or anything warm at winter. The climax of my average week is the weekend, A.K.A., The-Two-Days-Mikuo-Doesn't-Have-to-Work-or-Study-and-I-Can-Be-Selfish-and-Have-Him-All-for-Myself.

He's always busy over the week-days, and it can get lonely since Miku is always busy as well lately (and by lately I mean the last 10 months) so she practically doesn't live in our apartment anymore, and since I kinda fail at life, I don't really have any more friends (except for maybe my annoying older b(r)other, Akaito, and his as much annoying wife, whose name I can never seem to remember (Haku?), whom I don't want to label as my "friends", though I suppose I should).

Mikuo's an aspiring director; a darn hard-working and determined one at that (how he manages to do well in both college and his hobbies beats me). And that's how I actually met him.

Well, technically, I've known him for as long as I've known Miku, but we've _formally _met each other and got close at a recording studio, when Miku was just starting this whole singing business and I was her album-cover photographer and advisor, and he helped with his ideas for her songs and future videos, just so we give her some support and make her comfortable with this whole being famous thing.

At first, we had a completely friendly relationship and we sometimes went on lunch-breaks together, until my gaydar senses started tingling, and I had to go through Heaven and Earth just to get Miku admit that he, indeed, is homo, and we just suddenly started using the lunch-breaks as an opportunity to rock one another's world, and it somehow continued even after Miku assured us she'd be fine on her own now and dismissed us, and it somehow turned into us bonding and starting to refer to one another as "my boyfriend".

Well, anyway, it's Saturday today, and, of course, I'm with Mikuo right now. We'd stained his newly washed sheets only just a few minutes ago.

"Stop smoking, you stubborn brat," I snatch the cigarette from his hand. It seriously pisses me off when he pulls that crap out of his pocket after whenever we have sex. "You'll die young."

"Make me!" he grins, playfully. He is sometimes _such_ a child.

…But then again, he's 18. Honestly, what'd you expect?

"We both know I can't, I don't call you a stubborn brat for no reason."

"Oh, well, sucks for you." He stares at me when I don't answer, but doesn't say anything on the matter.

"By the way, I'll have to leave earlier today."

"How come?" I don't even try hiding my disappointment.

"Them nooby buttfucks working on this video don't know a thing about video editing, and they can't do anything by themselves, and they've been threatening me to go and help them ever since afternoon, but I told them I have something important to do," he takes a puff from his cigarette, "something important being you."

"Ahh, how _romantic_," my voice drips with sarcasm. He just chuckles and puckers his lips, and I just _have_ to give him a quick peck, smirking (no way I'm fully kissing him when he reeks of that shit), but then he exhales the cigarette smoke into my face and I turn my head away, coughing, while he just laughs his ass off and I soon join him.

I honestly don't know how can Miku find _him_ boring, when he's anything but.

…But then again, not that I have anything nice to say about _my_ siblings, either.

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><p>Review and tell me your <em>honest<em> opinion, please?


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